Fears

I’ve been thinking about fear. The fear that sometimes consumes me and takes over my life. There are different occasions, different circumstances, different places but the fear is the same. It begins in my heart and goes down my stomach and gives me a chill down the spine, sometimes accompanied with sweat. I now know it so well. It’s like, Oh! There you are again…

Sometimes it’s the fear of the past. It’s all the skeletons in the closet having a party in my head and the fear that they may actually get out of the head and present themselves in real life. What then? Sometimes it’s the fear of the future. What if… what if those dreams never come true? What if I never get what I want?

Sounds so funny now when I think about it. With time I have realised that it was about the fear of being wrong, fear of failure, fear of losing people in life, fear of being judged, and fear of not being loved, being left alone. What a realisation to have that my life was full of fears and that every decision I made was based on fear. When that surfaced, it totally changed things for me. Now when I feel the fear come up, I choose to operate from love instead, and respond to life to create what I would love to create.

When I die I would probably not think about all the people who judged me for who I was but about how I lived my life and what choices did I make and was I happy and did I enjoy every bit of the ride. I would love to smile and answer yes at that point.